inbox | eastbound

[downswing]

lan wangji
missives | encounters

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text;

[soulsrob]

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.

[She smiles to herself before continuing]

I've been practicing, you see. This is one of my favorite poems. I've wanted to write it down for you to keep. It makes me think of you.

1/3

[downswing]

( When words hit and stab and twist deeper, more visceral, oilier than a stranger's hand has any right to deliver.

When they wound you. )

[downswing]

I come beggarly.

I have no gift.

[downswing]

Wangji, clan Lan, is unworthy.

[soulsrob]

[She reads the words, faintly, vaguely amused. He's so interesting, so strange.]

The greatest gift you could give me, Wangji, would be living through all of this nonsense until the end.

And perhaps a story or two.

[downswing]

I did not know you lent to poetry.

[soulsrob]

[She pauses, quickly considering the pros and cons of lying. It'd be easy, but there's too much risk that someone would be able to point out they know the poem or story she tells.]

Unfortunately I have no skill in creating things on my own, but I have a very good memory. I've memorized hundreds of poems and stories and riddles and I love to share them.

I don't get many opportunities to show off the more feminine arts here, but I enjoy sharing.

[downswing]

( The... feminine arts, then. Ah. )


You were intended a wife?

[soulsrob]

Once upon a time. I had my presentation to society already as an eligible wife, but no one has taken me up on it. I'm a bit 'eccentric,' supposedly.

[WHO WOULD'VE GUESSED]

But it's alright. I have had quite the prestigious title awarded to me, so truly I have more freedom now than I ever would if I married. I don't mind so much.

[downswing]

You will make a true and honoured wife.

[soulsrob]

I'd like to think so! Perhaps, one day, if I can find someone who'd be willing to actually care for me as I am.

I'm sure you'll be much luckier in love than I one day.

[downswing]

Love is flickered whim. Snow in hand.

Above all, devotion.

[soulsrob]

Do you know of it? Love? Or do you know only devotion?

How do you know the difference?

[downswing]

An anticipation.

When you open your mouth to breathe, and their name spills.

[soulsrob]

[She sits there for a moment, staring at the words, letting them wind around her mind, over and over.

That's all they are to her. Just words without much meaning, things she's yet to be able to decipher. If she could, she'd probably feel annoyed that she can't understand it or even conjure up a phantom of the emotion associated with it.]

In the stories they say love conquers all. It must be such an amazing thing to have so many stories and mythos dedicated to it. People will kill or die for it without a second thought.

I hope one day to inspire such devotion.

[downswing]

( But he has raised a son, a child. Knows yet the colours of ambiguity. )

Touch ground. How do you experience it?

[soulsrob]

[She wonders where this could be going, eyes narrowing a little as she runs it around her head again. The fact that Five, just one person, knows about her...peculiarities is already one person too many for Winnie's safety. She's not sure how Wangji might react if he knew. He seems like someone too upstanding to just let it be, but he does seem fond of her. She's carefully cultivated (ha) that emotion towards her, but would it be enough to protect her?

The problem with people was that as predictable as one could be one you knew them well enough, Winnie still lacked the ability to truly tell had someone could react once emotions became involved. She could make her educated guesses and generally that worked out for her, but there was never a guarantee.

If Winnie had to put a word to it, she'd say she didn't like it and it was annoying, for whatever worth that had to someone like her.

So what was the right answer here? Or was these even was? She looks in the direction of the ground and frowns]

This feels like a trick question. With my senses, of course. Sight, smell, touch...

[downswing]

You sense it different from your own hand?

[soulsrob]

I simply mean that there's more involved than just one thing. When I touch the ground I can feel it, of course. But I can also see it and smell the earth.

Emotions are like that too, aren't they You can simplify them-- Happiness, Love, Anger. But they're almost enver just there.

There's amusement, being ecstatic, beaming. Infatuated, madly in love, being fond. There's being irritated, infuriated, 'boiling over with anger.'

Perhaps I'm just being pedantic on it, however. I really just find it all fascinating.

[downswing]

You speak of scholarly learning. As scribes do.

Affection is visceral. Physical. Their hurt is the hurt of your body. Their beginnings are not your ends. No boundaries.

[soulsrob]

[oh. Oops.]

I suppose that's a flaw of mine. I view everything like that, my apologies.

I still can't imagine it, but perhaps some day.

Who is that makes you feel such a thing, Wangji? It seems you speak from experience.

1/2

[downswing]

Scantly flawed. Inexperienced.

[downswing]

I have a son.

1/2

[soulsrob]

[soulsrob]

You do? Tell me everything!